Depression?

For a minute, for a fucking minute I thought everything was going to get better and this is only a little bump on the road.- field notes 10/21/14 

 I look into her beautiful eyes but all I see is a stranger. Her smile; damage. Her laugh; powerless. Doesn't she know she's not in this alone? I'm standing behind her every step of the way! Holding my tears back, anger and trying not to look devastated. Someone has to be the strong one and that's going to me. I watched my mommy overcome obstacles, knowing she is dying inside, but on the outside she looks perfectly fine, fooling everyone but her sidekick( I'm the sidekick). 

Picture taken by me. 10/18/14. I took the picture because when I look into her eyes  I see a stranger when I should be seeing my mom.

 When I was younger and till now I thought my mother was this superwoman who is perfect. "PERFECT" I say in my head every time I see her. She's not a superwoman who's perfect, she's a superwoman who's is just being a mother. She's the strong one from the family, she's the I want know what's on her mind. How can I help her? I'm no superwoman like her. I don't even know how to deal with this. I'm afraid of losing her. I'm scared to the point where I can't sleep. I know this is more then depression. For a fact this more the just depression and I'm scared if There's nothing I could do. I see her suffering and I haven't done anything to stop it. Holding her hand is not enough. I need to help her, she may be on danger to her self. My mom is gone. Although, theirs something new about her. Saturday's are usually the worst. She will lay down in her bed and stare at this old boring wall. No movement.The whole day she would just lay there, haven't eaten,not even go to the bathroom! Laying down and Stare up at the wall. On Saturday 10/25/14 my mom got up and cooked, cleaned, and the best part; she went out with her coworkers. She didn't came back until six in the morning. Her smile was just amazing. 

Picture taken by me. 10/24/14 7:42 pm. 

 I need to find a way to get my mother back for good now. For some time on I have been spent my Saturday night on the internet to find a way to help my mom with "depression." Than Sunday night she locked herself inside the bathroom. I couldn't find her for hours. I notice she has these little blackout  moments that's come out of no where and she's doesn't remember and the same smile I saw over these weeks came back. What is this? This is more then depression. website. http://m.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-depressed-person. The website helped me understand how the  people we love are fight over depression. Ways to comfort them and help them though this. I couldn't find anything that really was helpful for exploring something that is more then depression. For right now I'm going to going to go though the internet and research on this " more depression thingy." 

Smith, Melinda. "Helping a Depressed person" helping guide.Np. May 2014. Web.