I'm sorry.

Sometimes I wonder if she notice me looking at her. Most of my time I'm with her and the more time I spend with my mom,I notice these little things I never notice before. Like she smells her food before she eats it, and she's always humming this beautiful song. - field notes 10/16

 

Everybody at least has favorite song right? Or a song that brings thousands of memory's.  A song that gives you goose bumps. Well the reason I mention  how beautiful these feelings come from just by listening to music, is  because my experiment I tried on my mother is now complete. The experiment was to Change her depressing corriods songs into the beautiful Banda rhythm. My hypothesis was that the change of music will make her less depressed. So for the past two/ three weeks I made her hear Banda. The first was actually weird. So she's get out of bed and take a shower and Usually she'll cry the last five minutes. She actually got out of the shower with a smile. Ever since my mom been acting strange I never seen her real smile. I forgot how that smile look like. The days got better and some days I couldn't even look at her without crying. The experiment taught me something; it's not the kind of music you hear that changes your moods it's what each song means. The deeper meaning of it, that's what makes it so special. So I wanted to share these beautiful songs. 

http://youtu.be/5HVf3NIBt4Q

http://youtu.be/1sO_sN4-fR

Both songs have this meaning that express the love they have for their mother. How much they appreciate,and how much their mother means to them. 

I may not be a mother but I do know this for a fact, a mother's love is beautiful and this unexplainable felling and when a child loves their mother; it's hard for us teens to understand how much our mother loves us. 

" mom I have a song I want you to hear" I with a smile on my face, I tell her while she's putting on her makeup. 

" what kind of song mija?" She responds still putting on her makeup. 

" just to let you know how much I love you and appreciate everything you have Sacrifice for me." My voice started to crack up and a tear rolled down. 

  I played the first song and she listen to song and her eyes just popped, I played the second one. She cried. 

"Mom, I know you haven't been your self lately and I notice these little brake downs you have. Why didn't you tell me you have menopause? And don't lie to me, I saw the letter that your doctor send to you confirming the results."  I yelled at my for the first time. I couldn't believe that I told her I knew. My mother who has done so much for me is gone.. 

- field notes 10/17/14 @ 6:09 am

Silence: depression, lost, anger, and lonely. 

She's not the only one who feels like shit now, like mother and daughter. 

I love you mommy.